Writer’s Workshop: Go Stand In The Corner

I have drawn a complete blank on the prompts for this week’s Writer’s Workshop. I had a feeling that would happen.

(Now see, I could end this post right there… but I won’t…)

So, this week, I’m taking a prompt from last week and identifying eight persons, places, or things I’d really like to give a timeout to.

Bryce Harper. I get it, Bryce, you’re super-talented and don’t appreciate having a baseball thrown at you, but did you ever think why Hunter Strickland is throwing at you? You hit two home runs off him the last time you saw him. You should expect him to be less than cordial the next time you see him. Go stand in the corner.

Hunter Strickland. You should know better. Go stand in the opposite corner.

MeTV. You changed your Atlanta affiliate to a station that doesn’t broadcast in the Atlanta area. Duh. I know you can be seen on DirecTV and Comcast, but I speak for many over-the-air viewers who live in the Atlanta area who don’t want to pay the exorbitant rates they charge. Go stand in the corner and figure out how you’re going to get viewers like us back from Cozi TV when you do find a local affiliate.

AccuWeather. When you tell me it’s raining, it’s sunny, and when you tell me it’s sunny, it’s pouring rain. Go stand in the corner and hire some real meteorologists.

Major League Baseball. There are only three times a year we should see American League teams play National League teams: Spring Training, the All-Star Game, and the World Series. Add a team to each league, split each league into two divisions, and get rid of interleague play. And that’s just for starters. Go stand in the corner and figure out what else chaps my backside. There’s a lot more where that came from.

Cable News Stations. A pox on all of your houses. You are everything that’s wrong with TV news. Go stand in the corner and please just go away.

The Federal Trade Commission. If you’re not going to enforce the anti-trust laws, you have no reason to exist. There are about six companies that own all the radio and TV stations and all the newspapers. Where once there were fifty airlines, there are now five. What are you people doing, playing Candy Crush and downloading porn all day? Go stand in the corner and decide whether or not the law means anything.

Congress. There are three branches of government, and you’re the one that’s responsible for writing the laws of this country. If you don’t like the law, change it. Don’t rely on executive orders or Supreme Court decisions to do it for you. Oh, and all the regulations the unelected bureaucrats come up with? You’re supposed to debate them before giving your approval. We’re not paying you almost $200,000 a year to act as a rubber stamp. A rubber stamp costs about $5 and the ink about $2. You can be replaced. And all of you who have been in office more than twenty years? It’s time to go. Go stand in the corner and re-read Article 1 of the Constitution you promised to preserve, uphold, and defend. Or read it for the first time, because I’m sure some of you haven’t.

There. I feel better.

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Author: John Holton

I'm a writer and blogger who writes and blogs about things that interest me.

21 thoughts on “Writer’s Workshop: Go Stand In The Corner”

  1. AccuWeather should stand in the corner with a window. MLB should also adopt wiffleball rules – 3 strikes or a combination of 4 strikes and foul balls and your out. And Congress, don’t get me started, but that place needs a good cleaning.

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    1. All I can think of is Jack Nicholson as the Joker in Batman, saying “This town needs an enema!” Washington certainly could…

      I’m not sure I like the foul ball thing, but there are other things they could do to speed games up: calling a strike if a batter steps out of the box more than once in an at-bat, cutting down on the number of warmup pitches a pitcher gets when he comes into a game, limiting pitching changes to one an inning, enforcing the pitch clock, and maybe most of all not allowing ESPN, Fox Sports, and MLB Network dictate how long breaks between half-innings are. I’d make them stand in the corner, too.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Just tell ’em this, especially MLB and the cable companies:

    “You’re nothing like e child in the pictures,
    That child used to play.
    You’re nothing like the child in the pictures.
    Here’s a cookie – go away.”

    John Holton with guitar in my basement, circa 1972

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad you enjoyed it. Seriously, I think they need to give anyone who wants to serve in Congress a civics test to see if they understand the Constitution and specifically their job under it. I don’t think any of them are especially clear on it.

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  3. I agree, Go Stand In A Corner should become one of your regulars. My husband complains all the time about how MLB is no longer MLB and they have ruined the game with all the changes. I’m not a big TV watcher so I don’t really care about changing stations – we don’t pay the big bucks for that anyway, our local cable is pretty good. FTC and Congress should definitely be in the corners!

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    1. Baseball is slowly condensing the two leagues into one like the NFL did, and that’s ruining the rivalry between the two of them. That was another dimension to the argument in cities that had teams in both leagues (LA, Chicago, NY, and, though it isn’t a city per se, the Bay Area, and even the Baltimore-Washington area): you might have a better record, but which league was better?

      Liked by 1 person

  4. That first paragraph made me laugh. You really nailed that prompt! I second your motion to give congress a time out. What a mess we’re in.

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